FOUNDATION STONES FOR MARRIAGE by Herman Abrahams

Genesis 2:18-25

Compiled by Herman Abrahams (Pastor), Cornerstone Faith Ministries, P.O. Box 740, Westridge 7802,
Rep. of South Africa. Phone +27-(0)21 371-5218 E-Mail: Mentorship2003@yahoo.co.uk

Series: Successful Marriage


Foundation Stones for Christian Marriage

PART 1 - WOMAN CREATED FOR MAN

OUR PURPOSE: To understand marriage as God intended it to be, in contrast to the opinions of the world around us. Let us therefore go on a scriptural tour in our search for foundational truths on which to build our marriage.

1. THE IDEA OF MALE AND FEMALE WAS GOD’S IDEA.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Gen. 1:27)

Genesis 1 declares the fact of man’s creation while Genesis 2 reveals the process by which this occurred. God made male and female for his own good purposes. The creation of two kinds of people - men and women - was not meant to be a put-down for women or to thwart the ambitions of the women’s liberation movement. Men and women are equally important and are complementary to each other in God’s design. The creation of woman became a testimonial, for creation was incomplete without her. Think how colourless, how one-dimensional a world it would be if there was only your sex in it! Can you imagine living in an all-male world or an all-female world? You need to see and rejoice in the fundamental differences between male and female in order to enjoy the goodness God planned for you in marriage.

2. MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO MEET THE FIRST PROBLEM OF THE HUMAN RACE: LONELINESS
“And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone …………..” (Gen.2:18-22)

The insight expressed here is that man was made for fellowship and not for isolation. Picture Adam in this beautiful environment - he had the fellowship of God and the company of the birds and the animals, yet he was alone. God saw that this was “not good”. So God created woman - a perfect solution for overcoming the man’s loneliness. Our wise and loving Creator made another creature, like Adam, yet wondrously unlike him. The creation of man was now complete; the woman complements the man. Man and woman coming together in marriage is God’s ideal of completeness. Woman was designed to be man’s ‘helper’. Dr Ed Wheat points out that this term ‘helper’ refers to a beneficial relationship where one person aids or supports another person as a friend and ally. Perhaps you have thought of the woman as a kind of glorified servant. Ed Wheat also points out that the same Hebrew word for ‘help’ is used of God himself in Psalm 46:1 where He is called our ‘helper’, “a very present help in trouble.”

Man and woman, meant for each other and totally suitable for each other - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically. It is possible for you to be living in the same house with your mate but because you or your
mate’s needs - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically are not
being met by each other, you could still be lonely. However, this is not God’s design for you; his design is COMPANIONSHIP and COMPLETENESS for the two of you together.

3. MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO BRING HAPPINESS, NOT MISERY
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23).

Ed Wheat calls this the world’s first love song! Adam is delighted with the sense of unity and equality he has with the woman. He expresses a tremendous excitement, a joyous astonishment. *The phrase “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” became a favourite Old Testament saying to describe an intimate, personal relationship. Finally Adam had found the one to complete him, who could take away his loneliness and who was as dear to him as his own flesh. God has designed marriage for our joy and happiness; his purpose has never changed.

*”AT LAST, I have someone corresponding to me!”


PART 2 - LEAVING, CLEAVING AND ONE FLESH

4. MARRIAGE MUST BEGIN WITH A LEAVING OF ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

“Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)

In this three-part commandment at the beginning, God ordained the institution of marriage.

Marriage begins with a LEAVING: Leaving all other relationships. The closest relationship outside marriage is specified here, implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then certainly all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind.

Leaving our parents does not mean to abandon then; it does not mean to leave them in the lurch. The bonds of love with parents are lasting ones. However these ties must change in character so that the man’s full commitment is now to his wife. And the wife’s commitment is now to her husband. The Lord gave the man this commandment, although the principle applies to both husband and wife, because it is up to the man to establish a new household that he will be responsible for. He can no longer be dependant on his father and mother; he can no longer be under their authority, for now he assumes headship of his own family. The adult must continue to honour his parents and care for them when necessary and assume responsibility for them rather than responsibility to them. (See Matt. 15:3-9 and 15:4-8).

Giving your full commitment to each other as husband and wife means giving other things a lesser priority - your business, your career, your house, even your hobbies, your talents, your interests, or yes, even your church work. Unless you are willing to “leave” everything else, you will never develop the beautiful oneness of relationship that God intended for you.

5. CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE REQUIRES AN INSEPARABLE JOINING OF HUSBAND AND WIFE FOR AS LONG AS BOTH PARTNERS ARE ALIVE.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, AND SHALL CLEAVE UNTO HIS WIFE: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)

You cannot really cleave unless you LEAVE. It is also no use leaving unless you are ready to spend a lifetime CLEAVING. The Hebrew word for “cleave” is DABAQ. Here are some definitions of DABAQ:
“To cling to, or adhere to, abide fast, cleave fast together, be joined together, keep fast, stick to”.

When we come to the Greek New Testament, the word means to cement together - to stick like glue - or to be welded together so that the two cannot be separated without damage to both.

The husband and wife relationship could also be compared to two pieces of paper that are glued together. If you try to separate two such pieces of paper you tear them both. If you try to separate husband and wife, both are hurt - and in the cases where they have children, the children are hurt as well.

Divorce means to take a saw and to saw apart each child, from head to toe, right through the middle. This is not a pleasant illustration but hopefully it helps us to understand the serious consequences of divorce. Jesus himself gave commentary on this verse saying,
“Therefore what God has joined together, let man NOT SEPARATE (Matthew 19:6).

The force of meaning in the word “cleave” can be more clearly understood when we consider how the Holy Spirit has used the word “dabaq” in the Book of Deuteronomy. These four beautiful examples all speak of cleaving to the living God.

i) “You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name. (Deut. 10:20 NASB).

ii) “…. To love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him.” (Deut. 11:22 NSB).

iii) “You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.” (Deut. 13:4 NASB).

iv) “….by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life……” (Deut. 30:20 NASB).

This indicates that in the eyes of God cleaving means wholehearted commitment, first of all spiritual, but flowing over into every area of our being, so that the cleaving is also intellectual, emotional and physical. (Man is spirit, soul and body).

Again this commandment (Gen. 2:24) is directed to the husband especially, although the principle applies to both husband and wife. The husband is primarily responsible to do everything possible to form ties with his wife that will make them inseparable. These ties must be strengthened in the heat and pressures of daily life.

God’s plan for you and your partner is a unity that cannot be broken as you obey His commandment, at all costs, to cleave together.

6. MARRIAGE MEANS ONENESS IN THE FULLEST POSSIBLE SENSE INCLUDING INTIMATE PHYSICAL UNION WITHOUT SHAME.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: AND THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Gen.2:24-25).

The pattern for marriage that God established at creation produces something quite remarkable if it is followed.
TWO WILL ACTUALLY BECOME ONE. This is more than togetherness. For this to take place some elementary requirements should be noted. The wording in verse 24 is “a man” and “his wife”. Christian marriage is monogamous (two people) and heterosexual (a man and a woman).

Although it goes far deeper than the physical, becoming one flesh involves intimate physical union in sexual intercourse. Sex between marriage partners is not shameful. Shame in marital sex was never imparted by God! The biblical expression for sexual intercourse between husband and wife is “to know” an expression of profound dignity. “Adam KNEW his wife, and she conceived. (Gen. 4:1)

The word “know” is the same word used of God’s loving, personal knowledge of Abraham in Gen. 18:19 : “for I know him ….” Sexual intercourse is thus not only an intimate physical knowledge, but also a tender, intimate, personal knowledge. So the leaving, cleaving and knowing each other results in a new identity in which two individuals merge into one - one in mind, heart, body and spirit. (Also see Eph. 5:31-32).